The third ritual is the one where my mother reminds me "where the important papers are located." This time-honored practice happens every time I visit, and I think I have all the secret maneuvers memorized by now. So the next ritual - if you haven't caught on by now - is the discussion of life and health insurance. It's the ritual that I historically avoid with my parents, since I've always been too young and foolish to worry about it. It's amazing how a few wrinkles can motivate the need for a ritual centered on peace of mind.

My father always starts out this discussion with the statement that he doesn't worry about his funeral, since he won't be around to witness it. He always manages to frustrate my mother with that piece of news; however, he's also planned ahead so she won't have to physically deal with details while she's emotionally dealing with his death.

As mothers, we know that anything bought on sentimental impulse is more expensive than if we have time to shop around. The same principle applies to the funeral process. After we die, our families and friends have limited time to make arrangements, and no one's going to be in the mood to think of thrift.

While you're coherent and strong, force yourself to deal with pre-planning. It wasn't easy for me to pull my daughter in on this discussion, but I felt it was her right to have her say with preparations. It turned out to be a great way to talk about her fears. It was also a wonderful entry for us both to comprehend the difference between fantasies of immortality and the reality that all good things really do come to an end.

We first went to BUYandHOLD's Life Insurance Needs Calculator. Right at the top, under "Immediate Cash Needs," is "Funeral Expenses." I had no idea what this might entail, so Cora and I called a local funeral home for estimates.

Marcus Jaeger, owner of Countryside Funeral Home and Crematory in the Chicago area, answered our questions. "We get a lot of single mothers who pre-plan their funerals," Marc said. "We encourage this practice, since pre-planning isn't as emotional as last-minute decisions. Pre-planned choices tend to be more prudent."

Marc says single mothers often involve their children with their choices. "It helps for everyone to realize that funerals are for the living. It helps to understand the viewing as part of the ritual of saying goodbye to our loved ones.

"My experience is that single mothers have stronger emotional ties with their children," Marc continued. "Pre-planning tends to bring an atmosphere of relaxation into the decisions."

Marc went over some financial options with us. His business accepts credit cards, and he also has a payment plan. That's great. So let's start comparing costs:

For burial, we pick a local cemetery and calculate the total cost to be $2,050. This includes $700 for the plot, $900 for the opening and closing of the grave, and $450 for the outer burial lining.

What about cremation? It's $200 for this process. Where you live plays a huge part in the cost of the "columbarium," or the little apartment at the cemetery where your ashes are stored. Locally, this purchase ranges from $1,200 to $1,500. You can save this amount when your kids take your ashes home with them. That's allowed (Cora just wants to be sure I can't escape). The cost of an urn starts at approximately $100.

Whether you want burial or cremation, the viewing means added expense. Marc has a package that includes transportation, viewing room rental, embalming, and casket. This package begins at $3,300. If you chose to be cremated, check on rental caskets if your family wants a viewing. Yes, Virginia, they exist. This can cut your costs even more. Your choice of religion will also have an impact, as any additional ritual all adds dollars to the final estimate.

Think about buying plans now, as each year these costs will go up with inflation. But wait - if we're planning to purchase our funeral arrangements now, why would we need life insurance?

Let's go back to the "Life Insurance Needs" calculator. We find other expenses to consider, all the way from the payoff of a mortgage to the future costs of a child's education. We were extravagant as we added up our estimates. I wanted to see the worst that could happen to my budget for this bill. We tallied the costs and went to Life Quotes at BUYandHOLD. After this process, I was pleasantly surprised. My results show I can give my daughter a lot of security for a relatively minor annual fee.

As single moms, we need to plan responsibly for the possibility of our deaths. The type of insurance you purchase will depend on your current needs. You also need to be very aware of estate taxes. Proper planning is important to avoid dying intestate, which means passing away without a will or trust that provides instructions as to how your estate is to be transferred and to whom. When I say "estate," I mean anything you own, whether it's a shopping cart or a mansion.

As Marc says - and as my father implies - rituals are for the living (and it's the living who pay for them!). It will take some time for me to figure out which insurance policy will benefit my daughter the most if something happens to me. In the meantime, I can still count on the one ritual that has given me the most peace of mind this year - our BUYandHOLD investment strategy based on dollar cost averaging.

Until next week,

Linda Goin