It's important to know this though. If we're going to trade in the "futures" market, we've got to have the time to place our order with a quick phone call.

Timing is everything when we're involved with the trading of futures and timing is everything when we're absolutely sure that our children are occupied for at least 10 seconds so we can dash off a 5 second call to our broker.

Let's look at the jargon we'll need for those precious 5 seconds. When you're dealing in milliseconds there are "short-cut" terms that you must be privy to before you place your order. The experts suggest writing this down so as not to be confused when you place the actual call.

Brokers, who deal in this type of trading, triage calls from customers. They want to know if you're going to buy or sell right now, if you are just doing "practice" paper trading and you can be put on hold for a minute, or if you want other information.

Needless to say, those individuals whose calls are for buying and selling, that very second, are given the highest priority. Millions could be made or lost as some hapless investor waits patiently on the line to talk personally with his/her broker.

It's important to note also that if we speculate that the price of our commodity is going to go higher, then we "buy a contract" or "go long". This is termed a "long position."

In a "short position" we speculate that the market is going to go lower, so we "sell a short position." There is a good definition of short sale on InvestorWords.

"Selling short" involves two very important investment aspects that you should research further before delving into this type of trading. The first is that this type of trading can only take place in a margin account, which also involves certain risks that need to be considered. The second aspect involves the borrowing of securities. Remember, your "short sale" imposes a delivery requirement to the individual or entity that purchased the securities that you "sold." Your broker therefore has to borrow shares to comply with its delivery obligation.

Wait…it gets even more confusing.

From the excellent Web site FuturePro.com again, I find that "Correct order placement is crucial to being a successful trader."

Oh jeepers. The pressure is really on here. This has to be done exactly right the first time and they don't allow you "do-overs." And I have to do all of this in about three seconds.

The following information is taken from the above Web page where they've given me a very nice example of how I should place the words in just the right order.

From the example all I need to do is:

Introduce Myself
Give them my account number
Tell them I would like to place a trade
I tell them how much
I tell them what month I would like to buy it in
I tell them "what commodity" I would like to buy or sell
And I tell them what price

Okay. I've said it over and over in my head. I've got it memorized.

I run and check on my son, who is playing happily in the sand in the backyard.

I run to the phone and dial my broker's number. I'm ready!

"Hello? This is Joyce and my account number is ABCDE. I would like to place a trade. I would like to buy 1 January…

"Mom, mom? Can I have some eggs to make the dirt mushier?"

"EGGS??"

"Pardon me Ma'am? But eggs are not traded as a commodity."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I know that eggs are not considered a commodity. I've got a little boy here who interrupted me while I was placing my order. You know how that goes, kids and all."

"No Ma'am, I don't have kids."

"I'm so sorry for the interruption. Would you very quickly mind to tell me if in the "long position" I'm speculating that the commodity is going to go lower? I just get those two terms confused."

"Um…no Ma'am. Taking the "long position" means that you expect the commodity to go higher."

"Oh…that's right. Now I remember."

"With all due respect Ma'am. I have three other investors on hold who are likely going to either gain or lose a large portion of their life's savings. Would you like to call me back later?"

"Oh…I'm so sorry. And please…don't worry. I won't be calling you back."

"What possessed you to make the dirt mushier by adding eggs!?"

"Well Mom. If you weren't on the phone all the time, maybe I wouldn't get in so much trouble!"

Looking back on the trading of futures as a viable option for "BUYandHOLDers" everywhere, my own humble opinion is a resounding "NO."

Because they are considered speculative and involve substantial risk, let's just not go there.

And maybe when my son turns 18 and moves out of the house, then I'll reconsider trading in the futures market. But absolutely not now, while he's still at home with me.

Thank you for joining me,

Joyce