The holiday office party doesn't regard race, religion, gender, or social status in its devious methodology. But, as an employee, you must attend when you receive that invitation to the office get-together. Of course, you can always dream up an excuse and avoid this event. But, the office party constitutes a time when the boss feels generous, and to refuse that generosity isn't a wise idea.

If you think that you won't be missed, think again. Small office parties are prime candidates for head counts, but larger office parties have departments and department heads. Even before your supervisor downs that first sip of eggnog, he/she will know that you're missing.

So gear yourself up for this annual event, and look at it as a chance to show your class, even if you're on the lowest rung of the company's ladder. For females, this means no revealing cleavage, no short-short skirts, and you might think about leaving the leather pants at home as well - especially if you think leather usually is served up with tattoos. For males, you might keep that suit and tie on, unless the party invitations state otherwise.

The best way to get the holiday party straight in your head is to think of this event as a job interview. This means that you really shouldn't reek of cigarette smoke, you shouldn't drink, and you should be impeccably dressed. But, it doesn't mean that you can't socialize and be more relaxed than you were at that original interview.

This is one event when it's ok to move beyond your daytime working social status at work, especially if a larger company employs you. The boss may come around and shake hands, or the department heads may have special rewards for individuals within a department. Most individuals will be in a happy, giving mood, and that type of atmosphere makes it possible to walk up to someone you admire and shake a hand.

Of course, you'll want to do more than shake hands or smile like a puppet. You'll want to have some interesting tidbits to talk about beyond the "hello, nice to meet you" introduction. Since you admire this person, you can always begin the conversation - which will be short by its very nature anyway - to what you admire about him/her (avoid physical references!). Don't expect a return compliment, especially if that person doesn't know you. Instead, hand over one of your business cards, say, "Have a great holiday," and move on.

But, if the party is boring and the person wants you to stick around (you'll be able to tell from the handshake - that person may not let go), then you'll need to listen carefully to pick up clues from the conversation and to respond appropriately. You'll think of something to say, especially if you're nervous. Just memorize the following list of things you shouldn't say, and you'll be ok.

1. Don't ask if the company will raise its contributions to employee healthcare programs. That conversation is best limited to company meetings.
   
   
2. Don't ask if the company will begin to match IRA contributions. If you work for a small or struggling company, they may have trouble meeting your healthcare costs or even paying part of your social security tax. Save that conversation for later as well.
   
   
3. Speaking of social security - don't. There's no sense being morbid.
   
   
4. Unless your company deals in mortgages, don't make reference to you or anyone else losing a home. Yes, the situation is dire for many homeowners and former homeowners, but a company party that's designed to forget the everyday world isn't the place to talk about losses.
   
   
5. With that said, you don't need to say one word about the fact that Hershey's is moving a portion of its candy making location to Mexico.
   
   
6. Don't ask for the name and number of someone's personal trainer unless you fully intend to call that trainer for cardio and weight training. If you run across your new acquaintance in a few weeks, they'll connect you to that query and they'll expect to see some muscle mass and weight loss.
   
   
7. Avoid topics that could become debates, such as global warning (although the fact that subtropical storm Olga developed in the Caribbean during December could stir some conversation).

Instead, talk about positive developments, such as?hmmm?well, I'm sure you'll think of something? You might try the following topics:

Yes, I know the topics included in the "ok" list are boring. But, if you ask a question, you don't need to talk. Everyone else will do the talking and you can rest easy and sip on that non-alcoholic martini (if there is such a thing).

Especially avoid talk about the stock market and interest rates this year, as you're bound to hear some sour notes in response. But, if you get pulled into a financial conversation, don't brag about the fact that you didn't lose money because you didn't sell anything. Some people just don't understand that logic. You can brag about the fact that you saved money through BUYandHOLD's inexpensive services. That's a logic that few can argue with.

Happy Holidays!
From Linda Goin and Cora, her daughter